White Noise

from by Sydney Kenney

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lyrics

my ex-boyfriend had a speech impediment and I couldn’t understand a word a word a word
And from the breakup I got all of our friends and his 64-pack of markers
Except for (insert random name) who was always a dick to me anyway because I think he’s a little gay and has a crush on him
and except for that ocean blue but I think we lost that in the move so that really went to either party
in a way his voice was like written pages, and I couldn’t read him without watching his lips or at all in the dark, but even though his words became a bit too much to translate after my eyes slid shut,
it was still so much nicer to fall asleep in a library of his white-noise whispers than anywhere where the wind could touch me.
there was never anything he said to me that meant anything.
every kiss he placed on the vein of my wrist
surely gave me more ink poisoning
than any forget-me-nots scribbled there with ballpoints,
and though his murmurs became lullabies
(I wonder if they still play when I am gone)
I will learn to fall asleep
to my own heart beat,
I lost the ocean blue marker and I will not be able to draw myself drowning in regrets for secrets untold and questions never asked like
did you ever feel more from losing me, then you would after ridding a bad cold
did you notice the extra space in your bed doesn’t compare to someone to hold
is it freezing cold?
That was also the color of your eyes I lost in the move. The color of trigonometry doodles and tree bark blood pouring out of our initials. The color of the sky right where we met, when the rest of the town was looking at the clouds and didn’t even know what was going on.

credits

from Sickroom, released March 26, 2014

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about

Sydney Kenney West Palm Beach, Florida

spoken word poet from southern florida.
the new york times calls her 'wiggity whack.'

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